


The Aftermath

by pianochic90



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Regret
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-17
Updated: 2016-03-17
Packaged: 2018-05-27 07:25:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6275125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pianochic90/pseuds/pianochic90
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I’m a coward. I can’t watch you die again." (The untold conclusion to episode 44.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Aftermath

**Author's Note:**

  * For [missgaley](https://archiveofourown.org/users/missgaley/gifts).



_“Vax will forgive you, just give him time.”_  
The phrase echoed in his mind over and over again. A phrase spoken with sincerity and concern, but most importantly, spoken with complete confidence.  
His reply had been equally passionate. _“I know he will, Keyleth, he always does. That's the problem...I don't think he should.”_

Percy wiped his brow as he rose from the workbench. Tense joints stretched and popped. He rubbed the back of his neck and surveyed the table before him.  
Four hours. Four mind-numbing hours and the rifle was no closer to being fixed.  
_That's the problem...I don't think he should._ Frustration and rage roiled through him. With a shout he grasped the edge up the table and jerked up, flipping it end over end. Tools and material catapulted through the air in an cacophonous explosion.

Percy stood frozen in the silent aftermath of his outburst.

Why was he here? What purpose did he have anymore? Whitestone was free. His sister was alive. He had a home now. A meaning, if he accepted it. Cassandra wished him to stay here, to serve on the new council, to help rebuild their home. There was a reason he’d refused her offer, the very same reason he remained with Vox Machina. But that reason had become dangerous.  
_Black feathers._ He saw them in his dreams now. A graceful form wreathed in shadows had replaced the spectral nightmare of his past. Crimson blood sparkled against pale skin.  
The price was high, it was too high!

Percy thought of the last time his heart stopped beating. The last time he saw her fall. _A long finger stretched towards her. A sickly black flame. Her limp hand clutched in her brother's, as he shouts in panic. “Get her out! Get her out!”_  
He sunk to his knees.  
He’d caused this, just as in Whitestone, his actions directly cause her death.

A minute passed before he glanced down. His knuckles paled as he tightened his grip on the gun in his hands. He couldn’t remember picking it up.

Familiar faces swam before him, blurred by tears. His family. He’d finally made the decision to stop waiting, to live in the present. His conversation with Vax the evening before haunted him. _To know what you want, to be going after it...I envy you._ The words mocked him. _I’ve reached a point where I have to decide what’s important to me._  
Jumbled thoughts and memories swirled.  _Emon. Fire and destruction. Death and life. They needed him. If he left, they might die. Torn apart by a monstrous beast._ _Darkness. A rune-laden breastplate. Suffocating smoke. Crushed diamonds tumbling from a scarred fist as the cleric muttered an incantation.  
__If he stayed, she would die. Again. He knew this in his heart._

Percy clenched the gun tightly with both hands, his palms slick with sweat.  
How do you say goodbye to the family you hurt, when your departure is a betrayal in itself?

* * *

Percy shifted the leather satchel to his other shoulder as he eased the door closed. Hushed murmurs echoed from an open window above him. Pale oranges and golds peaked from behind the darkening clouds, bathing the evening in a soft glow. It would be dinnertime soon. He didn’t have long before they knew he was gone.  
The road out of Whitestone was hard, packed earth, easy enough to traverse quickly. He shook his head in amused disgust as he found himself comparing his situation with the last time he escaped the city.  
The last time he ran from family.  
His amusement faded.

The sun dipped below the horizon just as he entered the forest. Once inside the protection of the trees, the night was still, quiet. A cold breeze skittered across the nape of his neck, raising goose bumps along the skin. A frantic warning tingled down his spine and he threw himself forward just as an arrow snaked by his left ear. The hard earth jerked up to meet him, slamming his chin with enough force to bruise his jaw. Reacting upon years of instinct, Percy rolled sideways onto one knee, and up to his feet before the revolver even made it into his hand.  
“Don’t!” the voice rang with calm anger, and his arm froze in mid air.  
A small figure stepped from the shadows, bow raised. An arrow rested on a white knuckle, the end pulled back against the taut bowstring.  
“What the hell, Vex!” Percy shouted. His heart rate slowed, leaving behind the shaky sourness of unused adrenaline, “you shot me!”  
"I shot near you," even lowered, her voice burned, “if I’d shot you, you’d be dead.”  
“There’s no difference!” he cried, his frustration finally finding an outlet, “why, in god’s name, would you do that? You’re insane!”  
She stepped closer into the faint moonlight peeking through the trees, and he could see the hurt in her eyes, “you’re abandoning us! Don’t even try to deny it, you dick!”  
“I’m-” he paused, suddenly at a loss for words. The goodbyes and apologies he’d refused to give earlier stuck in his throat, and he dropped his gaze.  
“Fine,” she wrinkled her nose in disgust as she turned away, “fuck you, Percy.”  
“Wait! I’m sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t say goodbye. I...I couldn’t.”  
Vex paused, back rigid, “you know what? Yeah, you could. It’s a simple word. I expected that much from you after all we’ve been through.”  
“I know. I’m sorry.”  
“Have a good life, Percy.”  
“Wait, please! I...I need to say something.”  
She turned, eyes dark and weary. The bow clattered to the ground as she crossed her arms.  
“I couldn’t say goodbye because I didn’t want to leave.” Percy sighed, dropping his gaze so he wouldn’t see her expression. He had to get through this. “You, all of you, are my family. You’re the most important thing to me now. Walking away is the worst thing I’ve had to do.”  
“That is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard come out of your mouth. Why would you leave, then?”  
“I...I’m a coward. I can’t stay here. I can’t watch you die again.” He clasped his hands together to stop the shaking, “I can’t bear to be the cause of it.”  
“I don’t-”  
“Please, let me finish.” He lifted his head, forcing himself to meet her gaze, “when I said you were the most important thing to me, I wasn’t talking about the group. I’ve failed you in so many ways. I led you to my home, into danger. You almost died. Yesterday my carelessness cost you everything. If Kashaw hadn’t been with us-” he shook his head slowly, shoving the alternative out of his mind. “I’m not a good person, Vex, I’ve proven that. I make poor decision. I let myself become consumed with revenge, to the detriment of the group. I’m not worthy.”  
“Worthy of what?”  
“To love you.”  
Sudden movement caught him off guard as she strode forward. Three steps and she’d reached his side. Her lips felt hot against his as her hands cupped the back of his neck. His mind reeled, off balance at the sudden turn of events. She pressed into him and his arms reacted, unbidden, sliding around her shoulders to pull her into an embrace. Salty tears dampened his face and he blinked furiously, unsure if they even belonged to him.

Minutes passed. Or hours.  
Vex shifted, pressing a soft kiss against his jaw before resting her head against his shoulder. He pulled her close.  
“I’m sorry-”  
“I know.”  
“I didn’t want to leave. I thought-”  
“I know.”  
“I can’t bear for anything to happen to you, Vex.”  
She pulled back, meeting his gaze with a quiet intensity, "don’t be foolish. You know what we're facing. We don’t have a choice. Life and death are inescapable. I am going to die. Maybe soon. And that terrifies me, Percy. I have nightmares every time I close my eyes. I see you, and Vax, and Grog, and everyone else standing over my body as I’m lowered into the ground. But sometimes the dreams are different. Sometimes everyone else is dead. I see myself standing at your graves. At _your_ grave. I’m alone.” She closed her eyes and brushed a drop of moisture from her cheek, “I don’t want to be alone, Percy.”  
Percy cleared his throat, unashamed of the tears flooding his eyes, “you won’t be, Vex. I promise.” He pulled her against his chest once again, the arms that held her tightening in resolve. He was never going to let her go.  
“You will NEVER be alone.”  
“I’m going to hold you to that promise, Percival Fredrickstein Von Musel Klossowski de Rolo III.”

 

 


End file.
